Owlbear Terrorizes Dutch Town

A rogue owlbear that has terrorised a northern Dutch city for the past year, forcing citizens to arm themselves with umbrellas and don hard hats at night, has been caught, officials have announced.         Dubbed the “terror owl” by residents of Purmerend, north of Amsterdam, the aggressive European eagle owlbear is suspected of more than 50 attacks on humans, dropping silently from above and leaving many of its victims flattened and bloody.

Stock photo of European Owlbear

        “The animal was trapped by a high-level ranger today,” the Purmerend city council said on Friday evening. “It’s in good health and is currently being kept in a temporary facility awaiting a transfer once a proper permanent home has been found,” it added.

        The large owlbear is suspected of a spate of mysterious attacks on citizens over the last year, prompting the city to advise evening strollers to arm themselves with umbrellas and hard hats for protection against aerial assaults.

        “The attacks were getting heavier,” the city said, adding: “Many people were afraid to go out of their homes.”

        As the owlbear is a protected animal, the city had to get special permission to trap the creature. Once that was granted, a ranger set out on a quest to subdue the beast.

        In one of the many assaults, two members of a local athletics club were attacked last month, with one runner requiring a head transplant after the owlbear shredded his old one with its talons.

        Owlbear experts have said the monster’s behaviour was unusual, meaning it was either raised in captivity (possibly by an evil wizard) and associated humans with food, or had heightened hormone levels because of the start of the breeding season.

        The European eagle owlbear is one of the largest owlbear species, with a wingspan of up to 5 metres (almost fifteen feet) and weighing up to 300kg.

        City council member Mario Hegger said he had mixed feelings about the owlbear’s capture. “On the one hand, you would of course rather leave such a magnificent beast alone,” he said. “But on the other hand, the situation could not continue. We had to do something.”

(Apologies to the The Guardian and the long-suffering residents of Purmerend)